36. Having To Face Reality ~ 7th July

I'm having a massive, long overdue clear out in the house. I've had to make the difficult decision to get rid of every CD I own. What's the point of keeping them if I can't hear them? I look at the song list on the back of the cases, most songs bringing back a wonderful memory. I have a lump in my throat and my eyes fill up as I know I will never hear them again. I wish I could hear enough to play them just once more. I scoop them all up into a bag ready to take to the charity shop. My stereo and iPod will be in the next bag.

35. The Eventful Journey Back ~ 5th July

Again I asked the guard before the train left if he would alert me as to when I was approaching my destination and whilst he said he would I was far from convinced! I didn't know what to expect on my return train journey and the thought of the train breaking down not once but five times had not crossed my mind! I had to embarrass myself (I still get very embarrassed by my hearing) by saying to another passenger "I'm really sorry to bother you but I'm deaf (I then get the surprised but pitiful look) and therefore I can't hear whether any announcements have been made as to what's happening". The first gentleman said "oh, I haven't been listening!", but the man behind me tapped my shoulder and told me what had been said. Very kindly he kept tapping my shoulder to update me which was brilliant until he got off at his destination leaving me back at square one.

The guard did not forget about me after all and when approaching my station he came running down the packed carriage (with passengers blocking the aisle due to them standing up to get off the train), pushing people over whilst repeatedly yelling "I need to get to that girl, you'll have to move out of the way, I need to get to that girl"...it was very amusing!

Walking along the platform, I suddenly realised the bags I was carrying were very light. A few bad words entered my head as I realised that I had left one of my bags on the train. I sprinted along the platform which must have been a very amusing sight what with me carrying a large overnight bag, 2 full carrier bags, my handbag and me completely out of breath with my hair all over the place! I think he took pity on me because of me being deaf and he stopped the train whilst he dashed to where I had been sitting and found my bag! What a day!

34. I Cannot Hear! ~ 4th July

Today I went on the train by myself for the first time since going deaf. I must admit that I was a bit apprehensive knowing I would not be able to hear announcements.

I said to one member of the staff on the train "I am deaf and cannot hear announcements made on the train, so could someone please inform me as we approach Edinburgh station? My seat is 49 in coach M". To which the woman said "when you hear them say that you are in Newcastle then Edinburgh is the next stop"! I had to stop myself from laughing.

33. Stone Deaf ~ 3rd July

As soon as my sister was given tickets for her immediate family to attend her graduation, she contacted the organisers to alert them about both my father and I being hard of hearing to ensure we got seats where we would hear the most. When we went in the building today, it soon became obvious that nothing had been done. Fortunately our parents were coincidently given good seating where our Dad was able to hear. Siblings on the other hand had to sit separately. The best seat they could give me was right behind a stone pillar preventing me from seeing anything and therefore I couldn't even attempt to lipread anyone!

Although where I was seated gave me the opportunity to count the cracks in the pillar (and wonder how on earth I would escape the building should the cracks get worse and the pillar collapse!), I did actually get the best view out of everyone because having been awarded their degrees, the graduates had to walk past the stone pillar where I was seated. On the way back to her seat when my sister reached my stone pillar, she gave me the best smile ever. I am a very proud big sister!