7. The Compassion of Mrs Consultant - 7th May

I'm in the waiting room waiting to see another consultant and I'm terrified. I barely slept last night and I had a nightmare about it the night before. What if she doesn't listen to me? What happens if she doesn't take it seriously? What if she asks me to go back another time for more tests and doesn't do anything today? What do I have to do to show how desperate I am...get on my knees and beg? Burst into tears? Barricade the door so she can't get out until she's done something for me? Maybe I should do all of them.

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I've just been in to see the audiologist and have the hearing tests done yet again. I am now sitting back in the waiting room as I type this, so, so scared. I don't know whether I want this other consultant to hurry up and call my name or not hear her call me at all. I'm shattered already as the hearing tests make me so tired.

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I've just come out of consultants room. One of those people who you know are being charming solely because you are a private patient and probably wouldn't be anything like it when you see her on the NHS. Anyway I had reason to be in a tis-was. For a start she asked me why it was I had come to see her! She obviously hadn't done her homework and looked at my notes! I might be wrong, but it was as though she wasn't bothered by me, just my hearing results and even then it felt like she wasn't listening to me. She said she wants me to have further tests and in the meantime she wants to get some more information from the previous hospital. She showed me her true personality when I asked how long would it be until I have the tests. In a short and unpleasant tone of voice she said "well it's going to take me a day to get all your notes". I don't know whether she was expecting me to be grateful for that and say thank you, but I didn't. I was hoping that she would say that in that case I could have the test in the next two or three days, but no "it will be at least two or three weeks" For once I actually wished that my eyes would well up to make her actually look at me and show how desperate I am to have something done. She handed me her business card on my way out whilst shaking my hand. I already have her secretary's telephone number and the address of the hospital...is she wanting me to give it to a friend or something?! It's now in the depths of my handbag and when things reach the bottom of my bag they are never to be found!