I got up half an hour ago having only had an hours sleep. I feel so different compared to yesterday. I feel anxious, my heart is pounding and I feel really agitated. I think I'm scared. My mind is racing, full of questions and thoughts.
Won't I feel lonely?
Will my friends give up on me?
Will my friends still want to meet up for coffee/lunch etc or talk to me on the phone?
Will I still be able to tell if I can speak?
What will I do if I can't use the telephone?
Will I still be able to hear myself think?
Will people talk down on me as though I'm as thick as two short planks and treat me like a child?
What will I do if I can't hear a wasp (I'm anaphylactic to them)?
Will anyone love me? I will never hear his voice.
If I have a baby I won't hear the midwife announce whether it's a girl or a boy or hear it's first cry and I also won't hear the first time it says "I love you".
How can I join in with other peoples conversations and how will I know when I can interrupt them?
How will I be able to do my line of work?
Will I ever be able to play the flute again?
Will my speech change?
Will my balance be effected?
What if I never hear my parents say "I love you" to me or my Mum call me "Bunny" again?
How will I be able to hear announcements ie at the airport or on the train etc?
Will I still be able to drive?
I won't hear my consultants telling me "I'm not giving up on you" when I'm ill.
I could carry on with this list. Some of these 'what if' questions may sound stupid and obvious to you but I need proof. Only a deaf person who could once hear can give me the proof I need to answer some of my questions. Just a slight problem....I don't know any deaf people and I am not prepared to join the deaf culture.
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